theres rain drops falling from your face that look like tears.

this week has been calm. a break was def needed. though i'm excited to get going again. i have so many idea and projects i want to start. good to have a flood of ambition once again. my news years resolution is to force my self to be productive in things i want to make happen, not just school. booooooooya.

whatever i touch, starts to melt in my touch, i am to much da doom doom doom

today me and terra had a snow ball fight on our way to class and saw a machine called ditch witch. year without a santa claus is on!

thomas-val you suck.

Maybe i don't accurately portray what i feel i am. i have so many ideas combined with little time and sparse motivation. i rarely create what i know i can prove. i rarely counter a failed attempt by another. instead i press the backspace button on every moment in my life; this creates red grading marks which are invisible to me and magnified to others. The mistake is that i write over the mistakes- making me forget them all together. the end of this paper cant come soon enough.

why is sarah jessica parker so weird looking in movies?

Christmas is coming. The leaves are falling rapidly. Ophelia's birthday is coming up. i ordered a check card with her picture on it last night. i should have ordered one with oph and terra- i'm equally obsessed.

the semester is almost over. its been a rough one. next semester will be less chaotic.

I'm trying to finish up some projects i've been working on but school is priority right now. the break will be nice.

tour key.

fur. lets do something with fur. bear with a sandwich and a candle.

lately.

what i've been working on lately.

october.

my favorite month of the year.
last week sac stormed feverishly and tore through the flesh of clean skin. i lost power for 2 days and formed a relationship with the language of candles. it was an experience that tested my patience with the dark. i came out frustrated and strained. my Ophelia stayed on me for those days as she normally does. a couple days later she came into heat, i sobbed like an infant. she's a woman now, yet i love her the same.
me and terra's 1 year is on Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!! her eyes make me ache.

she's europe and i live in her.

life is as expected; continually tripping over my own feet with the best intentions and the less than satisfactory outcome. I stumble, dancing on the blue block's squares. the future is.

ah shit.

another year at 15. thank god 20 is here.
I'm thankful.

v a g i n a

Oph apparently licked some kind of poison or got bit by something. She was drooling puddles and seas for two days straight. Scarred the shit out of me. Now for an easy weekend. School is busy and rapidly becoming a juggling act, but i'm enjoying it. I like my classes, cant wait to transfer.

My bday is approaching. To celebrate terra, the fam, and I are going to the renaissance fair. i'm beyond excited.

oph likes flannel,

jizz christopher kane.

the moon during the day

no one around me understands the love i have for:

cunts

those little girls who are not even worth thoughts amounting to a particle of dust on my brain are forever trying to accumulate through different people around me. Is it the fact that i think about you only when brought up? and never in between bother you? I've purposely become void of anything that has even walked by you people. does that satisfy your need to be relevant?

captain

refrain from self pity. you're to good for it.

pawn

the day I can truly feel as though i understand titles- i will cease happily.

i enjoy pms'ing with my lover and these sheets.

.

fragrant with humility

I have become the stuttering silent compliant door knob. the fuck rabbit without any defining momentum. the pity became rank. focus.

pronounce accounts

I had a great day with hope and abby yesterday. watched lost boys and george lopez.

oph is getting huge! school starts in a week or so, planing for spain, and portland. terra is more beautiful than ever.

How do you lose meaning in the noises coming out of your own mouth? the words are pronounced and then deflated- lost and unable to latch onto new words. and so i can not carry on a conversation with someone new without preparation- a draft. my temples make drafts and never finish them.

let the ringing begin, tomorrow.

"yea you should try it with one girl, yea, and then if you dont like it...cheat on her"- NYC prep

Lets hope im done with school by 22. thats my goal.

im reading Equus.

europe in january.